I can teach it, but I can’t do it.
Or at least, that’s what it feels like right now at this moment in time. As I look back in my life’s history, I spent the early years of the 2010s learning to meditate, and actively meditating every day. I started in 2011, and lost it sometime at the end of 2016. As I dove into the world of teaching yoga and meditation, I lost my own practice.
There is a story about Nataraja, one of the 64 forms of the Hindu god Shiva. Nataraja translates roughly to dance god, which sounds just like it means; Nataraja is the lord of dance. What you can’t see through text is that on statues of the dancing diety, he is surrounded by a ring of flames.
I won’t go into a long Hindu mythology lesson on all the little parts that make up the statue, but I will focus on that ring of flames. The fire represents the continuous cycle of death and rebirth – essentially just a repeating sequence of growth and destruction. Nataraja remains calm as he dances within the ring, always experiencing and controlling the cycles as they move from one stage to another.
The reason this is important is because the idea of death and rebirth symbolizes impermanence; nothing stays the same. All things are temporary. All situations are temporary. All feelings are temporary. All things change from one moment to another as they move toward end or a new start.
All of this was a long-winded way to say: I was once in the space of meditating, and now I am not. That’s totally fine, and I accept where I am, calmly and without judgment about how I just haven’t made the time or space to meditate.
And I love that. Once you accept where you are, you start to move forward toward a new impermanent stage. So let’s see what happens from here on out!
Date: 10/28
Goal Activity: Meditate at least twice this week.
Goal Attainment Score: 1
Driving Forces: None
Restraining Forces: Was busy, felt like I’d rather do other things, taught meditation 5x this week but didn’t do it myself.
Possible Actions to Overcome/Enhance Forces: Just accept where I am and see what changes. Also, I could probably get all my meditation tools out and leave them around so I can see them. That might help.
